The Smart Fridge 

Imagine refrigerator technology has progressed to the point of food replicating. Any meal can be made instantly. All one must do is purchase the raw food constitute, and fill the top compartment on the refrigerator. Due to fierce competition, the goal of refrigerator manufacturers everywhere is to sell as much raw food constitute as possible.  Fridge researchers have found that the best way to maximize the amount of time a consumer spends using their refrigerator was to have the refrigerator prepare their favorite food item, and present it to them each time the door was opened. Thanks to big data, the refrigerator developers have access to records of every meal you’ve eaten for the past ten years, and it factors this data into the snacks it prepares. Since the goal is to maximize the amount of times you open the door and eat, the snacks are small, unfilling, but perfectly tailored to your preferences. Almost irresistible. Machine learning combined with big data has allowed your refrigerator to know better than you, what foods you’ll binge on, and it presents them to you endlessly. Our smart-fridges eventually get updated and link up on the web. Now I can open my fridge and eat things my fridge friends are currently tasting. I can send a “yum” notification when they post something good to eat. My friends get the notification and run to their fridge to see what the notification was all about, and their refrigerator serves up several of their favorite, delicious morsels. All of this yum notification business exponentially increases the amount of time spent at the fridge. Raw food constitute is consumed in millions of tons each day. Much to the fridge developers delight, refrigerator binging becomes part of the pop culture. Everyone spends several hours a day tasting delicious creations served up by our smart-fridges. 5.5 hrs on average. The population becomes extremely obese, but no one cares because cooking is tedious, and the social pressure to own a smart fridge is high. 
Machine learning discovers that smart-fridge users are more motivated to eat durring episodes of depression. Knowing this, fridge developers place long delays between when a yum notification is sent and received to manipulate people into feeling like no one “yum-ed” their post. Since the amount of yums a person receives on a food post has become analogous to social value, AI has determined the exact amount of time delay to trigger depression eating and maximize fridge time. After further analysis, machine learning and AI discover that the food posts which prompt outrage inspire the most fridge time and over-eating. Usually the outrage is in regard to the unethical eating of cute animals.  Outrage almost always goes viral. The more outraged one appears, the more ethical they feel and are perceived by their online community. Refrigerator culture becomes a vehicle for depression and outrage. And what’s worse is that the refrigerator social media infastructure became the perfect tool for tyrannical politicians to manipulate the public. They use food to manipulate certain voting demographics, paying refrigerator developers to over feed the opposition’s voting base making them lethargic and sleepy, while simultaneously targeting their own voting base with caffeinated treats on voting day. Eventually refrigerators become integrated with the human body, pumping food directly into the stomachs while probes notify the tongue and brain of the various flavor combinations. This is a highly anticipated innovation, which bypasses the tedious and very annoying task of chewing and swallowing all day long. Finally free to bask in steady stream of sensual flavor and social gratification, humanity quietly eats itself into oblivion, completely enslaved, and completely content. 


One thought on “The Smart Fridge ”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s